


The Hidden Meaning of Words by babs

by babs



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Drama, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-23
Updated: 2011-04-23
Packaged: 2017-10-18 13:29:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/189365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babs/pseuds/babs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While thinking about Daniel, Jack discovers some truths about himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Hidden Meaning of Words by babs

"Daniel?" Jack whispered as he entered yet another room of the library. 'The Great Library containing the History of the Pelian People,' he corrected automatically. He'd heard the grandiose title more times than he could count over the past week. One of the many librarians who worked in the building smiled at him and pointed towards a table in the back of the room. Jack nodded and tried to walk as quietly as possible in a pair of combat boots. The Pelians used natural light throughout most of the library, a habit that had Daniel muttering under his breath about the damaging effects of sunlight, combined with uncontrolled humidity, and other stuff Jack really didn't understand, except to know that it was not a good thing for the old scrolls the Pelians allowed Daniel to view. But ever respectful of the Pelian beliefs, Daniel kept his opinions to himself...well to himself and to Jack who was treated to a damn lecture on it every evening when they'd retired to their quarters in the palace. After hearing it a few times it was getting old fast.

Light was streaming in from a high window, highlighting Daniel's hair as he bent over a large scroll, magnifying glass in hand. Dust motes danced in the air above his lover's head, and Jack had a vision of a much younger Daniel sitting in a college library, his nose buried in a book, doing research, oblivious to the world outside the walls. Jack cleared his throat and then looked around guiltily, legacy of one Sister Mary Augustine who ran the small elementary school library at Saint Mark's Parochial School. Jack rubbed his knuckles against his BDU's, still able to remember the sting of the ruler when he'd spent his time making paper airplanes instead of reading quietly. Obviously throat clearing wasn't a loud enough noise to get through to one Doctor Daniel Jackson when engrossed in his work and Jack really didn't think the Pelians would appreciate him using the method he used to get Daniel's attention at home right here in the Great Library.

"Daniel?" He ventured speaking aloud, wincing at the sound of his voice in the still air.

"Oh hey Jack." Daniel raised his head and smiled--one of those swift sweet smiles that meant he was happy and in his element. The smile was quickly replaced by a concerned frown. "Is something wrong?"

Jack pointed to his watch. "We've got to vamoose. Got to get back home." He stepped closer looking down at the colorful map drawn on the scroll. "You about done?"

Daniel began to roll up the scroll. "No," he said. "Look around here. I could spend years here and only begin to scratch the surface." He finished his task with the economical movements Jack recognized as Daniel finishing a job and rang a small bell sitting on the table. The young woman who had pointed Daniel out to Jack earlier appeared and smiled.

"Did you find what you seek, Master Daniel?"

"I did. My gratitude to the Pelian people for sharing their history with a seeker such as I." He handed the scroll to the woman, bowing as she accepted it.

"We are honored, sir. I will relay your gratitude to my people at the next High Festival." She bowed once more and scurried off with the treasure. Jack watched her go and then turned to Daniel, sure that he was the only one who would have ever noticed the quickly hidden disappointment in Daniel's eyes as he began to push his books, pencils, and field notes into his pack.

"I'm ready, Jack." Daniel lifted his pack, no trace of any disappointment at leaving evident on his face.

"I'm sorry we can't stay longer," Jack said as Daniel pushed in a chair at the large table. "If we could..."

"I know, Jack." Daniel sighed and led the way through the maze of shelves and tables.

The heat of the Pelian sun hit them full force as they emerged from the cool building and Jack watched as Daniel fumbled with his sunglasses. Their transport back to the Stargate was already waiting, a wagon pulled by three cattle like creatures. Daniel stepped up into the canvas covered back portion before Jack. By the time Jack was seated beside Carter on one of the wooden benches, Daniel already had his pack open and his journal on his lap busily scribbling something. Jack heard the drover give a call and the wagon began to move with a creaking sound. The ruts, the uneven road, none of it seemed to bother Daniel who continued to write, muttering to himself every now and again. Jack glanced at Carter, catching her watching Daniel. She must have felt his gaze on her because she looked up at her CO and gave a knowing grin. Jack smiled back, it was good to see Daniel engrossed in his work. He looked at Teal'c who was allowing an oblivious Daniel to prop against him as he worked. Teal'c gave a brief nod to Jack and what passed for a smile from the Jaffa.

As the other two focused their attention elsewhere, Jack allowed himself the indulgence of watching Daniel work. Daniel was evidently puzzling out some notes he'd made of the scrolls in the library, tapping the pen he used against his teeth in a habit Jack found strangely erotic. He knew when they got back to the SGC, Daniel would disappear into his lab for hours, trying to get all the knowledge he'd gathered in some sort of order, ready for others to do more research. Books, research, it was Daniel's forte and he knew his friend and lover could lose himself for days in his work. Jack shifted on the bench, wincing as the wagon jolted over a pot hole and shook his head. There were times he wished he had Daniel's ability to tune out his surroundings.

* * *

"Time to go," Jack called as he walked into Daniel's lab. Daniel looked at him over the tops of his glasses as he stood by one of his overloaded bookcases.

"Go?" Daniel turned his attention back to the shelves, running one long finger over the spines and finally tapping one book before pulling it from the shelf. He paged through it, still standing by the case, his lips moving as he found whatever it was he was looking for. Carrying the book along with him, Daniel sat down in front of his computer, settling the book on top of a stack of papers.

"Hello? Daniel? Time to go means bye bye to all your friends." Jack waved at the contents of the lab.

Daniel finished typing something and then stood, slowly which Jack translated as not a good thing. "This is my *job*, Jack," Daniel said, his voice quiet with no hint of amusement. "I'm not done. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to work. You know, that thing I'm hired to do."

"Ohhhkay." Jack drew out the word along with his breath. He stood watching Daniel a little longer, threat assessing he supposed. When Daniel said nothing but walked over to the shelves again, muttering names of people Jack supposed were experts in their field. he settled for a warning. "I'm going."

"Go. Have fun with *your* friends." Daniel looked up from the book he held.

Shaking his head, Jack stepped away from the door. "What's going on with you, Daniel?" He could hear the exasperated sigh from where he stood. "Hey." He took a few more steps towards his partner.

"Look, Jack, I don't have time for this." Daniel pulled out three books in succession. Jack realized how tired Daniel looked as he passed by him on his way to the computer once more.

Sitting at the desk, Daniel turned in his chair, looking up at Jack while holding his finger in place on a page. "I need to finish this." Daniel gave a brief smile. "About four hours, more or less." Jack shifted uncomfortably under Daniel's unblinking scrutiny.

"Yeah, well, um, see you around?" Jack asked. He wished there weren't cameras so he could place his hands on Daniel's shoulders and massage muscles he suspected were tight as a drum-skin.

"See you later, Jack," Daniel said, already losing himself in his translations once more.

"Daniel?"

"It's okay." Daniel waved his hand towards the door. "Later."

* * *

Unsure of when Daniel would actually show up, Jack had opted for deli sandwiches on the way home. He'd devoured half of his and half of Daniel's. He hated deciding between the corned beef and coleslaw on rye or the Italian submarine sandwich anyway. Besides, the time line was four hours more or less. With Daniel it was rarely less.

Jack sighed as he flipped through the channels once more. The so-called 'reality shows' bore no resemblance to the reality Jack knew. shopping, whether on TV or not, was so not his thing. The music channels weren't playing anything he vaguely recognized as music. The sports channels were showing sports even he couldn't find an interest in; and documentaries demanded too much brain power when he'd spent the last five days on an alien world with an alien culture. For cryin' out loud! One hundred plus channels and still not a damn thing to watch. He regretted every time he'd chided for Charlie for saying he was bored because right at the moment, Jack knew exactly how his son had felt years ago.

He picked up one of Daniel's books from the coffee table, scanning the room as he did so. All those bookcases in Jack's house, in Daniel's house, in Daniel's office, and yet they still found their way to other resting places. He'd seen an old battered paperback of Walden Pond in the kitchen while hunting for some mustard; he knew the night table on Daniel's side of the bed was piled with at least five books, while another few were under the bed.

When Daniel ascended, the one thing Jack hadn't been able to touch had been his books. He'd held Daniel's clothes, inhaled his fading scent, packed up knick knacks from Daniel's apartment, holding a small bowl from Abydos and smiling in memory, but the bookshelves he'd left to Carter, Teal'c, and Ferretti, scowling at the SFs who had made a move in that direction. Walking past the bookstore in the mall had been a major accomplishment in his grief.

Settling back on the sofa, he began to read the book--a reference book on Pacific Northwest Native American cultures and their various artistic styles. Despite himself, Jack found the book interesting, not as engrossing as Daniel undoubtedly did, but still interesting. He smiled as he read the notes Daniel left in the margins, a habit Jack still found somewhat scandalous. Writing in books just wasn't something Jack had ever done. Well except for the one time he'd drawn a picture of Sister Theresa Luke as a witch in his primer because she sent him to the corner for talking. That had taken care of any other thoughts of ever ever writing in a book again. He grinned as he found an arrow pointing to a sentence with a scrawled 'learn more about this' beside it. He doubted Daniel would ever tire of learning new things and allowed himself an image of his lover, half bald, bent over a book, peering at the mysteries contained within through bifocals.

The sound of keys in the door roused Jack from the comfortable snooze he'd been enjoying, but he was too lazy to get up from the sofa. Daniel took the few steps into the living room and tapped Jack's feet with his hand. Jack gave a sigh for effect but swung his legs to the floor, making room for his lover.

"Hey." Jack placed the book he'd been reading back on the coffee table. "Work all done?"

Daniel nodded, leaning his head back and giving a huge yawn.

"Headache?" Jack asked, taking in the pinched look around Daniel's eyes.

"Mmmm," Daniel answered although Jack wasn't quite sure what the answer was. He took a quick glance at his watch, unable to believe it was after midnight. He patted Daniel's knee and then went to the kitchen. Jack threw the remaining two halves of the sandwiches on a plate along with a handful of potato chips. He looked at the coffee pot and decided Daniel really didn't need any more caffeine, so he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge instead.

"Wake up," Jack called as he entered the living room with his bounty.

"I'm awake," Daniel said, keeping his eyes closed. He held out his hand and opened his eyes when the cold water bottle was placed there. "No coffee?"

"Eat, drink." Jack handed him the plate.

"And then we can be merry?" Daniel spoke around a mouthful of bread and meat.

"And then we can go to bed," Jack said, shaking his head at Daniel's grin. "And sleep."

"Party pooper," Daniel muttered.

"I aim to please."

If he didn't know better, Jack would have guessed Daniel hadn't eaten in days with the way he scarfed down the food and guzzled the water. Leaning back, Daniel let out a loud belch and unbuttoned the top of his chinos.

"Feel better?" Jack asked and smiling at Daniel's unrepentant look. "Too bad the women on base don't ever see you like this." At a artfully raised eyebrow, he continued. "They can't imagine the great Doctor Jackson ever doing so lowly a thing as belching or snoring or cutting the cheese. And I gotta' tell you, they can switch places in our tent anytime."

"I love you too." Daniel stood and stretched his arms over his head and yawned again, closing his eyes.

Jack gave a gentle push to Daniel's lower back, knowing that by the time they got the bedroom, Daniel would be operating on auto-pilot, brushing his teeth, undressing, and falling into bed by rote. Jack turned off lights as Daniel walked ahead mumbling to himself about stele and parchments and hieroglyphs--Daniel's idea of a bedtime story, Jack supposed. He and Daniel shared the bathroom as they prepared for bed, an affair that involved much bumping of elbows and Daniel sneezing while he had a mouthful of toothpaste. Jack shooed him off to bed after Daniel's attempt to clean the mirror and sink resulted in more water on Jack than actually on the surfaces to be cleaned. Finishing up brushing his own teeth, Jack gave a last look round the bathroom and grinned at the sound of soft snores coming from the bed--a sound he'd missed more than he'd care to admit during Daniel's ascended year. He closed his eyes a moment, pinching the bridge of his nose. He'd been given a second chance. There was no way in hell he was going to screw things up this time, although he had to admit his comments to Daniel earlier at the SGC had been rather condescending. His mom had warned him more than once in his childhood, his adolescence, heck even in his adulthood, that he really needed to stop and think more before opening his mouth.

Crawling into bed beside Daniel, Jack leaned over to whisper in his lover's ear, "I'm sorry." Daniel still wasn't quite lost in slumber, so Jack did get a grumble and sloppy kiss aimed in his general direction. Jack curled up on his side, not surprised to feel Daniel inching closer until he was tight against Jack's back. It wasn't long until the snoring returned, lulling Jack to sleep to the sound.

* * *

The soft glow of the bedside lamp filtered through Jack's eyelids as he turned onto his side, the earlier nap he'd taken affecting his ability to sleep the night through. He opened one eye looking up at Daniel who was sitting with his knees drawn up, a book propped on them. Closing his eyes again, not wanting Daniel to realize he was awake, Jack pulled the blanket closer to his chin, relaxing as he felt Daniel's fingers combing through his hair. He doubted Daniel even realized he was doing it, just an absent-minded habit of comfort while he read his book. There was the sound of pages turning and Jack imagined Daniel was looking up something in the notes--still the only person he knew who actually read the notes and citations in books--as he heard pages turned once more and then the quiet scratch of a pencil on paper. Jack opened his eyes again, watching his lover, knowing Daniel was so far lost in his book that nothing short of a shout would bring him back to their bedroom. He felt as if he was prying in some secret part of Daniel's life, some part that Daniel kept deeply hidden in his heart. Daniel frowned and made a notation in the book, the hand in Jack's hair stilling while he wrote and then resuming when he started reading again.

Although there were times Daniel read quickly, most times he read slowly as he was reading now. Daniel didn't just read a book for the words and to be able to spit back facts, Daniel read to understand, to learn. If he asked Daniel for information on some obscure subject for a mission, Jack knew he was guaranteed a detailed report on as much information as was available on Earth and Jack thought with a guilty twinge that maybe it wasn't fair that he sometimes dismissed that information so lightly because he wanted only the bare facts. All the years Daniel had been on SG-1 and he still gave Jack all the information Jack could possibly use. Other people would have probably decided to do less, to give a skimpy report, but not Daniel. Jack remembered the first few weeks after Daniel's descension, Daniel still with big honking holes in his memory and frustration and apology that he couldn't supply a detailed report of his time among the Ascended. A shudder traveled through his body as he thought about the time Daniel had been gone and the hand stilled suddenly.

"Jack?"

Swallowing hard against the lump that had formed in his throat, Jack looked up to see Daniel frowning down at him, eyebrows raised in question. "Jack?" There was a slight sound of concern in his lover's quiet voice.

"Danny," Jack said, his mouth gone dry. Daniel closed his book and placed it on the night table, his gaze never leaving Jack.

"Did I disturb you? I can read downstairs."

Jack shook his head at the question and the offer, pushing himself up to sit propped against the headboard. He closed his eyes, listening to the soft sound of Daniel's breathing, the rasp of feet brushing against cotton. "I'm sorry," he blurted out.

"Sorry?" Jack opened his eyes at the puzzled question from his partner.

"Earlier, the planet, then your office." Jack waved his hand in the air to encompass all the flip comments he'd made, the necessity of pulling Daniel away from his studies on the mission. He was acutely aware of Daniel's scrutiny. "I've been thinking." When Daniel waited for him in silence, Jack continued, "I shouldn't have put your work down back at the base."

"Nooo," Daniel said, drawing out the word. "But I thought you were just being, you know, yourself."

Jack threw back his head, wincing as it connected with the wood, and let out a sigh. He rubbed at his face. Was that what Daniel expected after all these years? That it was okay for someone to put down his work, his accomplishments? "It was wrong. I was wrong." He turned sideways to study Daniel who seemed puzzled by the whole conversation.

Daniel frowned at Jack. "What's going on?"

"Nothing's going on. I'm sorry, that's all."

"I'm not angry. I wanted to get my work done and you know I don't like to be disturbed when I'm working." Daniel's words tumbled out. "Are you sure nothing's wrong, Jack? 'Cause this isn't exactly, um, normal for you."

Jack took another deep breath. "You think it's okay for me to make fun of what you do? It's not."

Tilting his head to one side as if he was studying an artifact, Daniel pursed his lips. "You don't make fun of me." He raised his index finger. "Well, actually you do sort of, but I exp..."

"See? That's it, Daniel. You expect it. That's what you were gonna' say. You shouldn't expect to be made fun of." Jack wondered if he was making any sense because Daniel certainly seemed unable to grasp his words.

"Are you sure you're okay? Are you coming down with something?"

Jack knocked away the hand Daniel was currently reaching towards his forehead. "Yes, I'm sure I'm okay. Geez, Daniel, trying to, you know, talk here."

"I know you're talking. But trust me, I'd let you know if you went over the line. I'm a grown man. I'm certainly able to tell someone off if necessary." Daniel smiled although his tone was serious. "Believe me, Jack, I know what I want, what I need. I can stick up for myself."

"You'd let me know? If I..."

"I argue with you, don't I?" Daniel shifted, bringing one leg over Jack's. "And I'll always let you know what I want." His voice dropped lower and he brought his hand between their bodies.

"Like now?" Jack murmured, catching the side of Daniel's neck in a kiss as Daniel pushed at Jack's sweatpants.

"Like now," Daniel answered, his breath hot against Jack's mouth. Jack let out a gasp as Daniel's long sensitive fingers closed around his cock.

He could feel Daniel's heart beating against his chest, pounding as if he'd been running. Heavy breathing accompanied Daniel's progression of kisses down Jack's torso and Jack clenched his hands in Daniel's hair as shudders shook his body.

"Take me." Daniel looked up, his pupils nearly obscuring the blue in his eyes. "Take me, Jack."

"Yes, God, yes." Jack shifted as Daniel liberally coated him with lube. He grabbed Daniel's wrists then, pushing his arms above his head and flipping his lover so he was face down. Daniel lifted his ass in the air and looked back over his shoulder.

"What are you waiting for?" he asked, his voice rough and deep.

Jack gripped Daniel's hips before slowly entering him. He thrust further in while Daniel's hands twisted in the sheets, the muscles so tight his knuckles were white. They found their rhythm then--fast, hard, a desperate need for both of them. Jack covered Daniel's hands with his, reaching climax quickl,y and he relaxed against Daniel's back, reaching out his tongue to taste the salty sweat covering the smooth skin. They breathed out of sync, a strange sensation of skin on skin. Jack closed his eyes, listening to Daniel's panting as he slowly brought his breathing under control.

"Thank you," Jack whispered into Daniel's shoulder.

There was a grunt that could have been a reply or maybe it was just exhaustion. But then Daniel shifted under him and Jack rolled to his side.

"That was good." Daniel smiled at him. "Very good." He reached out and touched a finger to Jack's lips. "Good."

Jack smiled back and flipped onto his back, raising his arms over his head and stretching. "I wanted you to know...you know."

"Yeah, I know. But I always have." Daniel yawned, but Jack could see his curiosity coming to the fore again. He watched as Daniel propped himself up on one elbow, knowing he was about to be given the third degree.

"Why?" Ah crap Of all the questions, Daniel went straight for the heart of the matter.

"Why?" Jack returned the question, stalling for time. It wasn't as if he had Daniel's skill with words.

"Not why for that," Daniel gestured to their bodies. "But why all the apologies, the deep thoughts?"

"Hey, I can be deep." Jack said, trying to sound affronted and sarcastic, and knowing he was just coming off sounding like a smart-ass.

"What happened?" Daniel pushed at him and Jack sighed--this past day coming back, the memory of dusty books lying forgotten for a year, the pain, the loss, and the fear, things he'd kept hidden, not allowing anyone to know how much Daniel meant to him.

"Books." Jack scrubbed at his face as he sat up in the bed. "I was thinking about you and books and when you were..." he spiraled a finger upwards, "...gone."

When there was no sound from Daniel, Jack tilted his head back looking at the ceiling. "I never realized how much they mean to you. Books I mean. Never knew until you weren't..." he cleared his throat. "Everywhere I went books reminded me of you." He felt Daniel's hand come to rest on his forearm. "And then today, I was..."

"Today you were treating me like you didn't believe I'd be leaving," Daniel said. "We had so little time together before Kelowna. Maybe that's why, well maybe that's why things are bumpy."

"I'm afraid," Jack whispered, words he didn't expect to say.

"I'm not going to leave you because you run off at the mouth, Jack. If I was, I would have never become your friend. I know what's in your heart. And I know that what's in there isn't what comes out of your mouth." Daniel touched Jack's cheek and Jack turned his head towards his friend, his lover, his partner. "I know what you are *really* saying."

"Yeah? Well sometime you're gonna' have to let me know, 'cause I gotta' tell you, I'm not sure most of the time." Jack grinned, slipping back into the easy banter, the sense of their partnership clicking into place.

"I am a linguist, after all." Daniel smiled, sliding back down to lay stretched out.

"That you are." Jack bent down, rubbing a finger across Daniel's lips. "So you want to translate what I'm saying now?"

"'Daniel, please open your mouth because I want to kiss you senseless,'" Daniel whispered.

"Amazing," Jack bent even lower and whispered before he covered Daniel's mouth with his, "truly amazing."

  



End file.
